5 July 1999
What do you mean aid? We bombed you, isn't that expensive
Given how much the bombing of Yugloslavia has cost, how are we going
to pay for the ethnic Albanians to rebuild their homes and homeland?
The cost of repairing the damage done by NATO bombing to factories, schools,
water treatment plants, electrical power plants, highways, and hospitals
is estimated at near 100 billion dollars. Of course, that's in Serbia,
where NATO has disallowed any foreign aid while Milosevic remains in power.
We've already seen how effective that strategy was in Iraq, where society
is in ruins, infant mortality is off the charts, and Hussein remains in
power. But what about the cost of rebuilding Kosovo, and all the demolished
homes of the Albanians we defended so successlessly against Serbian aggressors?
I have a plan. This plan may have some difficulties in its implementation
but I think you'll agree that it's an excellent one:
Let's have not launched air strikes on Yugoslavia.
I am confident that this plan will enable the reconstruction of Kosovo.
Let me explain.
Before the NATO bombing, the Kosovo region was locked in a bitter standoff.
There was a great deal of tension but restrained violence. When the NATO
bombing began, it became an open killing season, first for the Serbs,
now for the Albanians. By not have having had the airstrikes, we will
have not provoked widespread murder. We'll have prevented the loss of
countless lives and many ethnic Albanians will have not been forced from
their homes. About 11,500 Serbian soldiers and civilians will be saved
because they will not have been bombed. Uncounted and falsely estimated
numbers of Albanians will still be alive and will have not ended up in
Furthermore, by having not have had the bombing, we will save three billion
dollars. This is money which we otherwise will never get back, unless
we make an effort to collect every unexploded bomb from the Serbian countryside
and the Adriatic sea and reuse them. So by having not had the war, we
will have saved money that we would then now have to pay for the costs
of the war to the ethnic Albanians.
The benefits will have gone on and on. For example, it was recently revealed
that half of the medical supplies donated to the Albanian refugees are
worthless. Useful medicines were in too large or small a supply, and many
useless medicines were sent, such as anti-smoking inhalers incontinence
cream, and lipbalm, allowing pharmaceutical companies to unload surplus
and take huge tax breaks all under the pretense of humanitarianism. The
useless medicine will have to be destroyed at the expense of the Macedonian
and Serbian governments. By having not have had the war, the cost of having
to destroy this useless medicine will have been saved, and could be now
instead applied to helping the Albanians rebuild their community.
So everyone out there on the internet, set your computer clocks back
We must have had to have been crazy to have not thought of this before.