"All the News That Rhymes"

The Daily Poem

Weather: egregious

Distribution: 3 Printed in Urbana Wednesday, 4 March 1998 FREE

Logic Quiz Part A: Identify each Fallacy

Marijuana is dangerous: it leads to harder drugs, which lead to addiction, which leads to overdose.

Either the editor of the Octopus will stop running ads for sex services, or he is opposed to the advancement of women.

Saddam Hussein must give up all his weapons of mass destruction: otherwise he will use them against his neighbors, Russia will get involved, and then there will be a nuclear war.

It should be illegal for them to print that magazine: pornography causes rape.

Smoking cigarettes is good: billions of people do it.

I disagree: pornography will never incite a person to rape.

How dare you accuse me of embezzling: I've been treasurer of this company for twenty years!

Pornography does cause rape: compared to last century, now there is a lot more pornography and a lot more reports of rape.

The music on this show is going to be fantastic: it has Bill Clinton playing saxophone.

Pornography does not cause rape: that's like saying that cookbooks cause food poisoning.

Bill Clinton must be a terrible saxophone player: he is a lying adulterer.

I disagree, pornography turns all men into rapists: it happened to my father.

Bill Clinton is a great guy: look at how many people voted for him.

10,000 Elvis fans can't be wrong.

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV: and I'm here to recommend Prozac for all your unpredictable mood swings.

Your father and I have decided not to let you go to college: because if you go to college, then you're going to go on to get a Masters degree, and then you'll go on to get your doctorate, and then you'll be a professional academic and then we'll have to support you the rest of your life.

Tim Johnson is a really bad State Representative: when I was waiting tables at the Courier he used to come in all the time with his latest wife and family and leave, like, six or seven cent tips. Seriously.

Newspoetry at Spineless Books