Uncle Sam Apologizes
iraq, i'm sorry for bombing that pipeline
china, i'm sorry. turkey, what's up?
i thought we were supposed to be allies.
sorry. geez. and, arab league,
i'm sorry. if you guys don't want me,
you know, defending you,
stabilizing the region,
i guess i'll leave.
sorry about sudan, that
might have been rash.
italy, i'm sorry about flatheading
that jet through the cable supporting
that gondola. sorry about the twenty dead
skiers. it wasn't on the map, i mean, sorry,
i guess if you're going to take it so hard
and say you don't want my jets landing there,
well, i don't know. i'm trying to save the world.
germany, i'm sorry for executing that
german in arizona. that was stupid. i
totally forgot: it was a violation of international
law. you guys don't have the death penalty.
huh. sorry about that, i feel like such an
sorry about mai lai.
and, nigeria, i'm sorry about chevron
being in alliance with your military,
using company helicopters to gun down
all those nigerians protesting our
destruction of the environment and whole-
sale appropriation of another country's
resource. but i don't know. you guys
have a lot of problems to work out i mean,
well, i suppose the corrupt and brutal
dictatorship is party my fault.
sorry about the atom bomb. but hey.
amnesty international, um, about your
accusation that female prisoners are
routinely raped or rented out as sex slaves
by guard to other prisoners. if that's true,
that's bad. i'm gonna have to look into that.
maybe build more prisons or something.
allende, sorry, castro, sorry, daniel...
canada, i can't believe you said that
about the bovine growth hormone studies.
you know we make better cigarettes.
but you guys are scaring me.
like i'm getting uncomfortable.
russia, what's up? i gave you coca-
cola and you denounce me like this?
would you do to me what you
did to those tourists?
like you would strip me of my satellite
telephones in an isolated region
where my swat teams are part
of the night. you guys would blindfold
me and drop me off on the street in
East L.A. you guys would subject me to my own
airstrikes, put me in my own prison,
take away my multinationals
and leave me to survive my own economy.
i'm upset and
i'm very sorry.
i'm just worried about