18 March 1999

Items From Our Catalog

Here at Amalgamated Concerns, we've found a way that you can save money while you overthrow capitalism. Our catalog offers the very latest line of environmentally-conscious knick-knacks. These products are intended to clutter your home, not our natural landfills.

To demonstrate the depth of our commitment, ten percent of the first penny you spend on these products is given to Citizens Toward a Democratic Democracy (CDD) who are working to make Democracy work.

Rainforest Cigarettes

These all-natural cigarettes are rolled from a fine blend of Virginia tobacco and plants imported from the Brazilian Rainforests. Imagine the teeming diversity of a rainforest in a cigarette. No filters means less waste. Contains no artificial plants.

Compost-Scented Candles

Fill your home with the aroma of fresh earth. These long-burning tallow candles smell like the real thing. Light one up and imagine you are giving back to the earth what you took.

Eight-grain Tofu Beer

This unusual beverage packs a day's worth of fermented nutrition into an eight percent alcohol count. Ouch!

Vegan Hunting Trophies

Add a touch of simulated elegance to your oak-paneled study with our Moose Head (tofu mousse of course) Or Kohlrabi Elk Antlers, mounted on simulated wood.

Dreadlock Trimmer

Fashion accessory for your high-maintenance dreadlocks.

Che' Chips

A revolutionary snack, made from Bolivian corn. Try it with our extra-red Sandinista Salsa.

Greenhouse Hairspray

Be reminded of ozone depletion as you dress for a day of canvassing, or for a night out gyrating to acoustic folk.

Tie-Dyed Cat

The latest in our line of alternative pets. Check out the psychedelic patterns on these groovy kittens.

Hemp Condoms

All-natural fibers mark this reusable organic prophylactic.

(This catalog made from recycled trees. No animals were destroyed.)


Newspoetry at Spineless Books