Clinton Arrested in Fairville, Oklahoma
Gus: Well now, if it ain't the sheriff strutting into his office like
John Wayne. What's got you to grinning like a rascal?
Zeke: Well, Gus, I did Weatherstripper County proud today. I done
arrested a real big criminal right here in Fairville, right downtown,
right outside the post office!
Gus: That sounds like a yarn, Zeke. What would a real big-time criminal
be doing lurking around these here parts?
Zeke: Well, Gus, he was giving a speech about the global economy
right over there at the Hostess plant.
Gus: You mean.. you arrested Bill Clinton?
Zeke: You bet I did, Gus, he's a member of the President's Gang.
Them outlaws have been acting like they own the country since I don't
know when. Reckon there's more than fifty of them. They've got all
kinds of guns too. No telling how many's alive or where they's hiding
Gus: Dagnabbit Zeke! You cain't just arrest a man like that. When
he's giving a speech and all.
Zeke: Shucks, he's got a file so thick it'd come up to a horse's
shoulder. He's had his nose in money laundering, real estate shenanigans,
and the things he's done to women are just sick, Gus. And I got him
on resisting arrest for sure.
Gus: Well. What about his bodyguards?
Zeke: Well now, Gus, I had to arrest them too. They were right ornery
bastards. Tried to put up a fight. I damn near had to tan each and
every one of they hides. Right now I got one of em trussed like a
turkey in the detention cell. The others are in the back of the wagon
Gus: And his wife?
Zeke: Now, Gus, she ain't done no wrong. She's a nice lady and it
ain't her fault her husband's a scoundrel. I let her go. Fact is,
she thanked me for arresting that no-good man of hers.
Gus: Land sakes alive! Now what did you do with that there jet he
flew in on? Air Force One?
Zeke: Impounded it. It'll bring in a pretty penny at the police
auction up in Middlington next July.
Gus: I don't know about all this, Zeke.
Zeke: Heck, Gus, you oughta be proud of me! After the mayor hears
about this, why I bet he hires me a deputy. I been keeping the streets
clean in Weatherstripper County singlehandedly long enough. I sure
could use me an assistant!